Goodbye My Lover
by borednhomealone
Summary: A tragic love. Aren't they all? Edward is in love with Carlisle, a man who lives two lives. One with the man he loves, and another with his wife. What happens when Carlisle is forced to choose between the two? Can he do it? Or is it too much for him? His decision leaves behind a broken man and a grieving wife. Not a happy story. Slightly AU and all human. Carlisle/Edward/Esme.


_**Just a pitiful little thing I came up with. It's an old song fic I've had on my laptop for ages, and I decided to finally post it. It's not a happy story, so have some tissues handy. Just in case you missed it, this is all human. **_

_**If you know it, I don't own it. **_

He sat in a corner alone, hoping the people who milled aimlessly around the room would just pass him by as if he weren't even there. Unfortunately most of them found it necessary to approach him and tell him how sorry they were, offering shallow condolences and phony sympathies. His chest ached more with each breath as he stared at the brunette at the front of the room, her normally beautiful face distorted by the agony of losing a loved one. He shared in her pain, but felt alone at the same time. They had shared him for years, but in different ways. He was the father of her children, her husband of fifteen years and the person she woke up to each morning, but to him he was a shoulder to lean on, the person who made him want to be a better man and his best friend. His body shook as he remembered their last night together. It was after their secret vacation to Daytona. They held each other and clung to each other in passion and every morning, when he would try and creep away in silence, Edward could feel his heart breaking a little at a time.

_How could he do this to me?_ he would say to himself in his mind, over and over as if he hoped Carlisle would sense what he was saying. That moment never happened, and time after time Carlisle would leave the arms of his lover late at night to return to his "normal" life; the one that everyone openly accepted and the life that Edward knew deep down he loathed. He had tried to convince the other man that they could leave this life and be one their own, lost in their own lives, lost in each other. At every mention of escape, Carlisle would simply smile at Edward, a look of what could almost be described as sorrow plaguing his normally handsome features as he spoke.

_There is only one escape from this life, Edward. You and I both know that all too well._

The words rattled around in Edward's brain, pushing out any thought of rationality and sensible behavior. He stood from his chair and focused his intent on the grieving widow as she stood with her late husband's cold hand in her own. Taking a wobbly step forward, something in the back of his mind screamed that this was wrong, that while she deserved to know the truth about her husband, this may not be the place to do it. Sinking back into his chair, Edward buried his head in his hands and let the tears flow freely. He no longer cared who saw his emotions, raw and uncensored. His heart shattered every time he took a breath, and he wished he were the one who lay in that casket, silent and cold. He was certain no one could miss him as much as they would Carlisle. Besides, Carlisle was always the strong one. He could have made it without Edward.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care.  
You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you._

After what seemed like hours, Edward lifted his head. The crowd had grown sparse. Most of the people left were immediate family or close friends. Esme still clung to her husband's hand, whispering _I love you's _and obscenities as the emotions coursed through her veins. She knew her efforts were useless but that didn't stop her. As Edward watched the scene before him, he noticed the pity he felt was not for her. It was for himself. If it wasn't for her, he could have had him all to himself. They could have made a life together. Most importantly, the man who has been his lover for the last ten years would still be alive. The funeral home wouldn't have had to go to extra lengths to hide the horrific gashes that has slowly released the life of what had once been a vibrant and loving man onto the stainless and cold operating room floor that weekend. They were now permanent stains on the town of Forks, both physical and emotional. The waves of the tragedy ripped through the entire medical community, a tidal wave of misery drowning everyone who stood in its wake as the one man who brought true compassion to the medical community now lay silent. Only one person appeared to be unaffected. That was on the outside though. On the inside, he was every bit as dead as the man in the casket. Voices from the past started to resurface, and again he could hear their last conversation before that fateful night.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you.

He told him he couldn't live without him, and the other man had agreed. They had snuck away from prying eyes, away from friends, family, passersby, anyone who might interfere with their conversation. This would be the night Edward would ask Carlisle for the ultimate sacrifice: choosing between a wife and children whom he adored and a career he had loved for twenty years, or the one person who made him feel more alive than anything he had ever experienced. From their long walks along, to a simple embrace, to the passion they shared, nothing on earth compared to the relationship they had forged over the years. It was one set in stone, one that could outlast all time and all things. Now, starting at the mahogany box that loomed before him, something in his gut told him it was all a lie. True love didn't exist. A tentative step took him closer to the shell of the man he had called his true north, and he inhaled a sharp breath and bit his lower lip. It was almost too much to take. She had insisted he be buried in his Sunday suit, but it wasn't him. It wasn't the Carlisle Edward had fallen madly in love with. Knowing he couldn't voice his opinion, he took a seat in the front row, his eyes focused on the closed eyes of the one person he swore he would ever love. He felt movement beside him and realized it was the woman who had kept them apart. She had been chosen over him, and in the end they both lost out. She tried to speak kindly to him, but he could only ignore her, a sadistic and cruel part of him wanting to put her in that box with him. That way he would never again have to look at the woman who had made his Carlisle tell him he couldn't see him anymore. The only thing that stopped his was that by knowing he did that, he would forever seal them together.

Finally rising from his chair, he ignored all the people that stood around and approached the casket, feeling his legs turning to jelly and his chest constricting tighter and tighter until he was convinced he was going to be the next to go. That would have suited him just fine. Life wasn't worth living without his Carlisle. He wanted to turn to Esme and shout that it was HIS Carlisle in that coffin, it was HIS love that kept them going strong all those years. He knew it was pointless. Carlisle no longer belonged to either of them. He was only a memory know. There would be no more hugs, no more kisses, no more celebrating birthdays and holidays with his best friend, or arguing over things such as who got to sleep on the left side of the bed. The only thing he had left were memories and pain. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Edward looked down and watched as his friend's face blurred through his tears. One solitary drop rolled down his nose and landed with a silent plink on the center of Carlisle's chest. Placing his clammy hand over Carlisle's icy one, he leaned in and gave him a kiss and whispered that he would spend the rest of his days loving him and no one else. Slowly backing away, the tears once again flowed freely down in cheeks in rushing torrents, coming too quickly now to be stopped.

Edward finally exited the funeral home and got on his bike, not knowing where he would end up and not even caring. As far as he was concerned, it was over; his career as a musician was over, and his life in general was over. Gunning the engine, he raced off down the street with no direction in mind. Several hours later, after riding around aimlessly in the town where he and Carlisle called home, he found himself exhausted and his head was pounding. Pulling into a motel, he got a room and on the way to his lodgings, he tossed the keys of his bike to some young kid who was sitting on the corner, telling him to take care of the motorcycle for which he would soon have no use. Locking himself inside the dark room, he fished through his pockets for it, finally locating it. Turning the bottle upside down, he emptied the contents of the bottle into his mouth, wishing he had some water to wash away the bitter taste. Realizing it didn't really matter, and that his sense of taste would be gone for good soon, he kicked his shoes off and laid back on the bed, not even bothering to take off his jacket. He wanted to be ready for his journey. After all, he would be seeing his beloved in a matter of time.

"Goodbye, my lover," he whispered as the world faded to black around him. Closing his eyes, he went to sleep, another life cut short by the tragedy known as true love.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

And I still hold your hand in mine.  
In mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bear my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet.  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.


End file.
